Do you find yourself saying YES, when you really want to say NO?

One of the most important ways to create the career and life you deserve is to say NO to people and things not on your top 5 priority list.

Filter requests for your attention through the lens of your top 5. Then YOU decide what’s a YES and what’s a NO.

But saying NO, even when you really want to, can be challenging!

Maybe you’re in the habit of saying YES to things or people because you want to be loved, accepted, or admired? That’s part of being a human being. 

But what impact is saying YES when you want to say NO having on your physical and mental health?

Here’s My Story About Learning To Say NO:

In the years leading up to my exit from clinical medicine, I suffered increasingly severe migraines. I saw a neurologist, had a normal MRI of the brain (I was convinced I had a sinister intracranial lesion), and tried new migraine agents. But I wasn’t getting to the root of the problem.

I was unhappy in my work situation and my body was trying to tell me but I couldn’t hear it. I had ignored the whispers and now they were shouts.

It wasn’t until I listened to what I really wanted and said NO to staying in medicine and YES to become a coach that my migraines decreased. Now, three years later, I can’t recall the last time I had a migraine.

It seems so obvious to me now. I was saying YES where I wanted to say NO. But the NO went against the identity I had created, the expectations, and the guilt of leaving my patients and colleagues.

I don’t want you to wait until you experience physical or mental discomfort before you say the NO that’s waiting to be said. 

An exercise* to help you say No.  

There are 5 question prompts. Reflect for 1 minute after each question.

1. In the important areas of my life where do I want to say NO, but I’m saying YES?

2. How does my inability to say NO impact my life?

This might show up in the body as fatigue, discomfort or pain, or mentally as resentment or irritability.

3. What body signals (symptoms, discomfort) have I been overlooking?

As you reflect, pay attention to body sensations.  

4. What’s the hidden belief, assumption, or story behind my inability to say NO?

5. Where have I ignored or denied the YES that wants to be said?

Follow this exercise up with a weekly conscious check-in: What’s going on in my body? What’s my body trying to tell me?

  *Adapted from Gabor Mate, MD