How do your questions create connection?

Young children have a natural and genuine curiosity. Their simple question, “Why?”, tests the knowledge and patience of the most devoted parents. Then children go to school where they are rewarded for knowing the “right” answers. And many turn into adults who have forgotten how to ask their own questions.

Questions flow out of curiosity and the desire to understand. A question can “create value for the person who asks it, the one who answers it, and anyone who gets to consume that answer.”*

The author Neil Gaiman said, “Google can bring you back 100,000 answers. A librarian can bring you back the right one.”^α A librarian may sit with you, find out more about your topic, and tailor the answer to meet your needs.

When we are curious about someone, we get to ask the questions that will help us connect with them. As John C Maxwell^µ says, “Everyone you meet has something to teach you.” How often don’t we find ourselves formulating what we’re going to say next while someone else is talking? What if we were to stay curious instead?

The impact of asking questions and listening to the answers was summarized by Winston Churchill’s mother, Jennie Jerome in 1874.  She dined with two politicians, Gladstone and Disraeli, who were competing for the position of prime minister of the United Kingdom. She reported, “When I left the dining room after sitting next to Gladstone, I thought he was the cleverest man in England. But when I sat next to Disraeli, I left feeling that I was the cleverest woman.” Disraeli won the election.^†

Next time, you meet someone over Zoom, Skype, the phone, or in person from a safe physical distance, what question will you ask to learn something from them? What question will enhance your understanding of them? What question will help you feel more connected?

“How are you? No, really, how are you?” **