How to change careers when it involves disappointing others
Sometimes, changing careers and doing what you really want, involves going against expectations and disappointing others.
If you’re someone who tends to do what’s expected of you or prioritizes your loved ones’ happiness above your own, you might delay or put off making the change you need to be fulfilled in your career.
Why don’t you want to disappoint others?
Why is it important for you to meet expectations and try to make those around you happy?
One of the ways to answer this is through the lens of the Enneagram personality typing system.
The Enneagram describes 9 distinct personality types (or points) and the gifts and challenges associated with each type. It’s both a way to understand your personality tendencies and how to work with them. All personality types have a subconscious driver that once was essential to the survival of your younger self. Now it may be getting in the way of making a career change.
If you tend to people-please, or are concerned with meeting expectations of others, or tend to avoid conflict, you likely have a high score in points 2, or 6, or 9 on the Enneagram.
Here’s a quick way to know if you might have a high score in points 2, 6, or 9:
Which one of the following statements is most true for you?
- I’m good or OK as long as I am loved by others and am close to them. This is the subconscious driver of the Enneagram point 2 (the Helper).
- I’m good or OK as long as I do what’s expected of me. This is the subconscious driver of point 6 (the Loyalist).
- I’m good or OK as long as those around me are OK. This is the subconscious driver of point 9 (the Peacemaker).
[Note: If none of these statements are true for you, your high scoring points are likely in one of the remaining 6 points of the Enneagram. Because our personalities are made up of all 9 points, you don’t need a high score in 2, 6, or 9 to find the discussion and tips below useful]
How to work with the subconscious drivers of points 2, 6, and 9.
Here’s one suggestion and application for each
Point 2 (the Helper)
If you identify with the driver of point 2, you’re likely a kind, devoted caregiver but tend to neglect your needs as you focus on caring for others.
Suggestion:
When you take care of your own needs, you’re not being selfish. Instead, when you take care of yourself, you’re more likely to have the presence and energy to care for others.
At the career crossroads, taking care of yourself might look like cutting back on clinical hours even if it means your colleagues might be unhappy with the extra load. This might be saying NO to more clinical responsibilities so you can say YES to spending more time with your family.
Point 6 (the Loyalist)
If you identify with the driver of point 6, you’re likely a superb problem solver and team player but you doubt your ability to make the best decision for you. You tend to value the opinion of others more than your own.
Suggestion:
The answers are within YOU. This means finding the place inside of you that’s capable and wise. Get to know your inner wisdom by spending quiet time with yourself, being in nature, gardening, swimming, or meditation.
At the career crossroads, trusting yourself might look like going against the advice of respected mentors and taking a step towards a change you really want even though it feels uncertain and risky.
Point 9 (the Peacemaker)
If you identify with the driver of point 9, you’re likely someone who values peace and harmony in the world and you try to avoid conflict. You tend to go with the flow, even if it’s not always in your best interest.
Suggestion:
When you yield to the wishes of others to keep the peace, you’re denying your own wants. If this has become a pattern, you may no longer know what you want. Take the time to get to know what you really want and ask loved ones to give you space to figure it out.
At the career crossroads, it may take some time for you to figure out the next steps in your career. Take the time you need to recognize what you enjoy and really want. Remember, you’re allowed to have wants!
When you understand why you don’t want to disappoint others and recognize you will be OK even if you do go against their wishes and expectations, you can access your inner wisdom and courage to move towards a fulfilling life and career.