Self-doubt
I’ve been in the grip of self-doubt many times in my life. On the one hand, it has motivated me to become a skilled professional. On the other, no matter how well I perform, it occasionally manages to convince me that I’m at risk of being exposed as a fraud.
Self-doubt can show up as Imposter Syndrome, lack of confidence, or a feeling of unworthiness. Even the most confident, top performing athletes and executives experience self-doubt. When it results in thoughtful examination that improves performance, it’s helpful. However, unhelpful self-doubt can lead to indecision, mental paralysis, and agitation. A mind “plagued by doubt” has the power to take us out of the game.
To keep us in the game, we must understand what triggers self-doubt and recognize its voice or feeling.
Situations that may trigger self-doubt:
- When you’re getting ready to make a life-changing decision.
- When you’ re on a new path and you hit those inevitable speedbumps.
- When you compare your life to that of others.
- When you take external criticism personally.
How to recognize it:
- You may hear a voice,” Who do you think you are to do this?”, or “I can’t do this, it’s too hard”.
- It can masquerade as wisdom†, “Now is not the right time. You already have so much on your plate.”
- You may have a feeling of unworthiness. Interestingly, this seems to be a phenomenon unique to the West. The Tibetans have no word for unworthy.
A meditation student once asked the Dalai Lama†,“I do not feel worthwhile as a person. How can I work on this as a beginning meditation student?” The Dalai Lama replied fiercely:
“You should not be discouraged. Your feeling, “I am of no value” is wrong, absolutely wrong. You are deceiving yourself.”
How do we stop deceiving ourselves?
Step 1. Recognition. This may be enough to “unhook” from it. If you recognize it as an old familiar thought pattern, you can break free from it. You can say, “the imposter voice is telling me I can’t do this.”
Step 2. Attend to the voice or the feeling with compassion and care. Ask, “Why is this important to me?”, “What underlying value is in this thought or feeling?” Try to identify the value you are trying to live up to‡.
For example, if you doubt your ability to be a good partner, parent, realize your dream, or get through a rough patch, ask, “what do I value about this?” You may identify values of connection, belonging, harmony, or significance.
Step 3. Access the wise and courageous parts of you. And from this place, ask, “Is this really true?” What is the objective truth? The feeling may be real, but is it true? Ω
Which situations trigger your self-doubt? Can you recognize the doubting voice and ask, “Is this true?”
Sources:
† Joseph Goldstein, Insight Hour podcast, episode 90.
‡ Susan David, PhD, Emotional Agility.
Ω Adapted from Tsoknyi Rinpoche, Real but not true