“Want to do” versus “Must do”
What do you want to do in the world?
In times of crisis or loss, it’s normal to revisit our commitments and activities. You may be asking,” What do I want to keep doing in my life and what is no longer serving me?” It may be challenging to answer these questions now. Our hearts and minds may still be grieving for the old way of life. But at some point, we will be ready to re-examine how we are living.
One way to begin this inquiry, is to explore our personal values. Values are what we deeply care about and believe to be essential to living a meaningful life. They guide our behavior to be the person we want to be. They “light the way.” *
Some examples of values are trust, belonging, relationships, responsibility, diversity, caring, flexibility, change, generosity, creativity, efficiency, adventure. Values take on different meanings for each of us. For some, adventure is not truly adventure unless there’s a risk involved. For others, adventure might mean trying something new for the first time. None of these is right or wrong. It’s your value to define however you want. Ask what is right and true for you. The most important thing is to uncover your values and how they bring meaning to your life.
Some ways to uncover your personal values:
- Find a list of values# and circle the top 5 that are most important to you. Reflect on how you are honoring them in your life.
- Through emotion: For example: What makes you annoyed or angry? When you get annoyed at something or someone, ask yourself, what value is underneath that? It might be that the person’s actions demonstrate the absence of a value that’s important to you. For example, I once dated a man who was always late. For everything. By at least 15 minutes. It created tension within our relationship. That’s when I understood that punctuality is an important value of mine.
- Visualize a peak experience. Think back to a time in your life when you felt fully alive. You wished time would stand still so you could savor the experience. Bring this experience back to life. Where were you? What were you doing? What were the smells, sights, sensations in that experience? When we feel most alive, we are in alignment with our values.
- Which projects energize you? For example, you may notice that you have more energy when you are doing a project with a group of people than doing it alone. What does that say about what you value? Pay attention to the project where you say, “I should get this done” or “I must get this done” How does it feel when you MUST do something? How does it feel when you say, “I WANT to do this”?
- Who do you admire and why? What we value in others is often a reflection of our own values
- What kind of books do you enjoy reading?
- What are you obsessed with?
I leave you with an inquiry: What is one thing you WANT to do this week that will honor a value of yours that you have been neglecting?