What is your emotional temperature?
Just like a fever may point to an underlying infection, an emotion may point to internal turbulence, to what needs attention now.
We usually don’t ignore fever, so why do we sometimes step over, push away or bottle up emotion?
We must attend to our emotions with the same care we bring to a fever.
This topic feels especially important now. We are in the 6th month of the pandemic and it continues to be an extraordinary challenging time for everyone. I sometimes hear people say, “I should NOT be feeling grief/frustration/impatience/anxiety/loneliness because I have it pretty good compared to others.”
My response is that now is not the time to be critical of your experience. While positive affirmations can be helpful, make sure you are not stepping over your experience. Your emotions may be trying to tell you something. They have evolved to protect us†. Considering that Covid-19 is a potential threat to our survival, emotions will be along for the ride.
What if we were to see our emotions as messengers, as signals of something that needs attention? Next time an emotion arises, consider:
- Pausing to name the feeling. Try to get as “granular” as possible in your labelling of the emotion†.
For example, if you are feeling stressed, discern all the emotions that make up the feeling of stress. You may notice anxiety, fear, vulnerability, or worry. If you are feeling sad, there may be disappointment, regret, or grief underlying the feeling.
- Being there for the emotion.
Accept it without wanting it to change or judgment. Clues to judgment are berating yourself for feeling it or labeling the emotion as negative, silly, or an over-reaction. Acceptance does not mean resignation. It means allowing it so that you can begin to get curious about it.
- Asking, “What’s the message?”
If you’re feeling sad, you may be grieving a loss and need to bring kindness and compassion to yourself.
If you’re feeling annoyed, it may be that an important value of yours is being stepped on. For example, if you’re annoyed that a person in the grocery store isn’t wearing a mask, it may indicate that you value being considerate towards others.
If you’re feeling thankful, you may need to express gratitude to someone in your life.
If you’re feeling lonely, it may be that you value connection and need to call a friend.
What has been the most prevalent emotion for you this week? Can you name it, accept it, and get curious about the message it has for you?
Footnote:
† Susan David PhD, The one you feed episode #346